I’m not having a good year

I’m not having a good year. My teacher is never around, I’m having trouble waking up to practice in the mornings and I’m broke because I haven’t gotten my student loans yet. On top of that, people are stealing food out of the communal fridges in the kitchen in the dorms. We can’t practice in our room either, and that sucks because there’s really NOTHING for me to do in my room except sleep. I don’t have a computer, so I have to bother friends to use theirs or I have to go to the sh-tty computer lab at school. I don’t feel like I belong here, but I don’t want to give up and go back home because I couldn’t make it in NYC. The incoming freshmen all sound amazing. I feel like I wouldn’t have gotten into the school if I auditioned the same year as them. This year is also the first year of the “new curriculum” that the department head is implementing. Last year was his first year heading up the jazz department, so I guess he needed time to get everything ready for the changes.

The ONE musical thing that’s good in my life is big band. I still feel like the worst player in the trumpet section, but the rhythm section sounds so amazing, just listening to them makes me happy. The pianist is this prodigy kid who started college at 16, the bass player is kinda famous (he’s won a grammy), and the drummer is another one of these kids who’s going to be famous someday. The trumpet section also gets along really well, there’s no hostile competition, just friendship and support, so that’s great. I just wish I had the motivation I had back in high school. There’s this one kid in the trumpet section who sounds so good it’s scary. I know he practices a lot, but he just has a natural gift for the music. His approach to playing trumpet is so foreign to me because it sounds like he didn’t grow up being restricted to playing in band, or orchestra, so he was able to start developing a more individual sound right from the start.

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